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LOCAL News :: Government & Elections

SCAN Awards Ceremony

Santa Cruz Action Network (SCAN) held their annual awards ceremony at the Louden Nelson Center in downtown Santa Cruz.
February 13, 2004

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this joke "article" was read at the annual SCAN (Santa Cruz Action
Network) awards dinner on Friday, February the 13th! - Nora
Hochman and
I came in dressed as CNN reporters and did an emergency
broadcast! - I
also produced a fake front page of the Sentinel with the
article, some
box quotes and pictures of 'W', and a large MMD FOUND!
headline - Emily
Reilly got a copy! - she said to Nora later that maybe she SHOULD put
something in the muffins!

the room was packed and folks loved it! - of course, this is
a take off
on the FDA raid of Emily's bakery last September after the council
called for the investigation and possible impeachment of the Bushies!


Nora and I rush in and we say:
"Ladies and gentlemen, Sherry Conable and Nora Hochman, here tonight,
reporting for CNN. An emergency broadcast had just been
received from
Santa Cruz, California. In a late afternoon edition of the local
newspaper, the Santa Cruz Sentinel, this lead article appeared. We

by Dan White
Sentinel Staff Reporter

In the early morning hours of Friday, February the 13th, the long
looked for Muffins of Mass Destruction were found at last in Santa
Cruz, California. In a surprise visit, the Federal Food and Drug
Administration found the MMD at the site of Emily's Good
Things to Eat,
a small, hometown bakery located at 1129 Mission Street. The
bakery is
owned and operated by Santa Cruz city council member and
former mayor,
Emily Reilly.

The FDA first conducted an unannounced inspection at Emily's
Bakery in
September of 2003. This occurred shortly after a highly
vote taken by the Santa Cruz City Council, calling for the
investigation and possible impeachment of the Bush
Administration. This
action was taken under the direction and leadership of the former
presiding mayor, Ms. Reilly. Though the FDA found nothing when they
came to call last September, today they hit the BIG TIME!!!!

The muffins, or MMD, were found to be harboring a number of known
agents of terrorism, including: Revolutionary Raisins, Communist
Cashews, Progressive Polenta, Activated Almonds, and Depleted Dates!
In an unexpected secondary coup, the FDA also discovered that all
scones, cookies, and brownies had small strips of plastic
paper buried
deep inside them, much like chinese fortune cookies.
Messages written
on the plastic strips included - IMPEACH BUSH/CHENEY, REMOVE JOHN
MARRIAGE NOW! - and other incendiary statements.

When contacted for comments, the FDA spokesperson insisted that no
information could be released regarding "active investigations". She
did say, however, that charges of sedition and treason may soon be
filed against the former mayor, and that a large number of muffins,
scones, and cookies had been confiscated and frozen, and were being
held as evidence in an Undisclosed Location!

The former mayor, Emily Reilly, could not be reached for
comments. She
was last seen headed north on Highway One, driving her
Heretical Hybrid
Car, a Toyota Prius, that she recently purchased with the
profits from
the MMD and the other seditious baked goods. A spokesperson for the
White House offered this comment from President Bush: "Emily Reilly
may be on the run now, but we will find her, and when we do, we will
lock her away forever! Let all the people of this great country know
that the world will be better off without her or her muffins."

we close with

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Sherry Conable and Nora Hochman
reporting for CNN. Join us again later tonight for our 11
o'clock news
broadcast and further updates on this late breaking story of
and national security, MUFFINGATE - WEST COAST!"

What happened at the SCANfest?

Any word on the specific SCAN endorsements?

Did SCAN take any positions on the ongoing harassment of the homeless at night, destruction of citizens police review, failure to pass stronger anti-Patriot Act protections, etc.?

I was told that Nora Hochman tried to push an endorsement that violated the by-laws, she also being the campaign chair for the person she was seeking the endorsement for. True or false?

Also heard that Sherry Conable gave an impressive speech opposing Proposition F (the more-gravy-to-the-City-Council-kitty Sales Tax). Any details on that?

The Sentinel isn't too clear on the details or the inside dope. If anyone was there, can they give us a blow-by-blow? Anonymously if necessary!

Mayor Reilly’s Weapons of Mass Distraction

When Reilly was running for City Council, close to four years ago, she claimed that she baked her muffins with workers that are paid a living wage (at a SCAN forum no less). I found out that this was a lie and confronted her. Her response, “I can’t afford to pay all of my workers a living wage?.

So why the lie smiley Reilly? As usual she was working on a false image to gain the votes of radical and working class minded people in the community.

Now, four years later, she (and her supporters) are working on sharpening up those false credentials again.

Leonard Peltier and Mumia Abu-Jamal sit in prison for taking actual meaningful stands against war, racism, police-brutality, and other government repression. Yet we are supposed to be concerned about an FDA health inspection of Emily Reilly’s bakery.

Emily Reilly recently helped pass a city law that bans political tabling for more than an hour. I am still awaiting trial for being arrested under this unconstitutional law.

Under Reilly’s rule police repression and harassment of the poor, street musicians, and activists critical of the City Council has increased with more laws, no positive changes in the police force, and the abolition of any formal civilian oversight.

Meanwhile Emily Reilly refuses to act on passing a resolution demanding the U.S. withdraw troops from Iraq. Why? Because she is a dyed in the wool Democrat and the Democrats are refusing to call for a withdrawal of U.S. troops because they have more in common with American imperialist oil and weapons profits than with the lives and aspirations of American GIs and the Iraqi people.

The wealthy of America rule through two political parties that are playing a giant game of good cop, bad cop on the population. Both parties beat on you, but one starts promising to beat you a little less during the elections and you vote on your fear of the other. Not all of you, but many of you reading this. They make you think you need to find allies amongst those in the power structure. You want those allies so bad that you overlook the truth. You even get mad when someone like me says that the emperor has no clothes, and you presently have no friends in this government.

Change will come the more people can admit that disturbing reality and rely on their own strength organized in coalitions on issues, organized in unions, and organized in political parties that have no corporate financial or media backing.

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