this joke "article" was read at the annual SCAN (Santa Cruz Action
Network) awards dinner on Friday, February the 13th! - Nora
Hochman and
I came in dressed as CNN reporters and did an emergency
broadcast! - I
also produced a fake front page of the Sentinel with the
article, some
box quotes and pictures of 'W', and a large MMD FOUND!
headline - Emily
Reilly got a copy! - she said to Nora later that maybe she SHOULD put
something in the muffins!

the room was packed and folks loved it! - of course, this is
a take off
on the FDA raid of Emily's bakery last September after the council
called for the investigation and possible impeachment of the Bushies!

enjoy!


Nora and I rush in and we say:
"Ladies and gentlemen, Sherry Conable and Nora Hochman, here tonight,
reporting for CNN. An emergency broadcast had just been
received from
Santa Cruz, California. In a late afternoon edition of the local
newspaper, the Santa Cruz Sentinel, this lead article appeared. We
quote:


MMD FOUND!!
FDA DISCOVERS MUFFINS OF MASS DESTRUCTION IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIFORNIA
by Dan White
Sentinel Staff Reporter

In the early morning hours of Friday, February the 13th, the long
looked for Muffins of Mass Destruction were found at last in Santa
Cruz, California. In a surprise visit, the Federal Food and Drug
Administration found the MMD at the site of Emily's Good
Things to Eat,
a small, hometown bakery located at 1129 Mission Street. The
bakery is
owned and operated by Santa Cruz city council member and
former mayor,
Emily Reilly.

The FDA first conducted an unannounced inspection at Emily's
Bakery in
September of 2003. This occurred shortly after a highly
controversial
vote taken by the Santa Cruz City Council, calling for the
investigation and possible impeachment of the Bush
Administration. This
action was taken under the direction and leadership of the former
presiding mayor, Ms. Reilly. Though the FDA found nothing when they
came to call last September, today they hit the BIG TIME!!!!

The muffins, or MMD, were found to be harboring a number of known
agents of terrorism, including: Revolutionary Raisins, Communist
Cashews, Progressive Polenta, Activated Almonds, and Depleted Dates!
In an unexpected secondary coup, the FDA also discovered that all
scones, cookies, and brownies had small strips of plastic
paper buried
deep inside them, much like chinese fortune cookies.
Messages written
on the plastic strips included - IMPEACH BUSH/CHENEY, REMOVE JOHN
ASHCROFT, REPEAL THE PATRIOT ACT, JUST SAY NO TO WAR, SAME SEX
MARRIAGE NOW! - and other incendiary statements.

When contacted for comments, the FDA spokesperson insisted that no
information could be released regarding "active investigations". She
did say, however, that charges of sedition and treason may soon be
filed against the former mayor, and that a large number of muffins,
scones, and cookies had been confiscated and frozen, and were being
held as evidence in an Undisclosed Location!

The former mayor, Emily Reilly, could not be reached for
comments. She
was last seen headed north on Highway One, driving her
Heretical Hybrid
Car, a Toyota Prius, that she recently purchased with the
profits from
the MMD and the other seditious baked goods. A spokesperson for the
White House offered this comment from President Bush: "Emily Reilly
may be on the run now, but we will find her, and when we do, we will
lock her away forever! Let all the people of this great country know
that the world will be better off without her or her muffins."



we close with

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Sherry Conable and Nora Hochman
reporting for CNN. Join us again later tonight for our 11
o'clock news
broadcast and further updates on this late breaking story of
terrorism
and national security, MUFFINGATE - WEST COAST!"